Darren and I have been reading Generation NeXt Marriage. We have only gotten through 2 chapters and already I have had some revealing thoughts about my attitude towards marriage.
The biggest impact in my thinking came from reading chapter 2 about my relationship role models. For better or worse my parents were my foundation in processing relationships. I went through my first divorce when I was 4-1/2. The second divorce happened when I was 16. It is at this age where my dd's are at now. If I think about it, it was about a year ago that I began thinking more seriously about where Darren and I were headed. It's like I couldn't think beyond the dc leaving the nest. More and more, I would think, "Well, it's been a nice run. It's time to go our separate ways before one of us does something we really regret." I didn't even think if what I was thinking was truth or a lie, it just sounded "normal". Of course it didn't make me feel any better. The more I thought these things the more upset and angry I would become and of course I would take those feelings out on Dh. The more clueless he was the more it seemed to cement that we shouldn't keep trying in vain. How's that for rational thinking!
After reading the chapter I realized how much is still engrained in me from my parents. Darren and I started our life together agreeing we would take our vows seriously and not use divorce as a way out of troubled times. So isn't it interesting that it didn't even take troubled times for me to actually think divorce was the next step after our dd's prepare to leave the nest.
Granted we do have some issues with communication and learning how to navigate middle age and teenagers and homeschooling and work and finances--but those things are normal relationship dilemma's. The one thing that is constant is that we do love each other. I told Darren that I do not have to look very deep at all into my heart to know that I love him. But things that are deep in my heart are creeping up to the surface and these are the things I need to see in the light of truth.
I'm looking forward to continuing to replace lies with truth.
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